In the past

I had a relationship with this psychopathic boy (literally, he had problems) that didn’t last for very long but will probably be one time in my life that I truly regret that it happened for many reasons because of the things that I did/didn’t do while we were together.

We eventually stopped talking and I pushed him out of my memory. I still have pictures with him but I don’t have any feelings, positive or negative, when I look at them. They are just photos now.

One of the reasons we stopped talking was because toward the end, things got very volatile. He would be abusive in the way he would talk to me and accuse me of things that I never did. He would threaten to kill himself and would threaten to break up with me on a daily basis. Then he would turn around and apologize profusely telling me he loved me and that he wanted to marry me.

I cut it off and didn’t talk to him for months, I even got my dad to block his number and made the effort to block his different email addresses and screen names because he would come up with new ones every day. But one day after all those months he contacted me and said he bought me a ring and wanted to be with me. I told him off and made it clear that I didn’t want anything to do with him. I think he got the hint at that point.

So, you would think that maybe after almost 10 years I’d be safe from hearing from him again, right?

Like an idiot, a few days ago I had clicked on my Facebook privacy settings and made my profile searchable by mistake and I CAN’T CHANGE IT BACK. Well, this morning, he comes back from the dead an sends me a message.

My first reaction when I saw that he sent me something was “Oh HELL no” and lots of eye rolling and giggling. His message was pretty harmless, but seriously. Why would he even assume that I’d want anything to do with him? I hold no grudges at this point because what’s done was done. But why?

I don’t want to catch up with him. In case he’s still a psychopath I’m not going to voluntarily tell him where I stay (although he could easily search me on google since I take up the whole first page and find out what city I live in).

I ended up writing this but I feel that I was a bit mean.

hey g,

i hope you realize that the way we ended our friendship/relationship and the last few times we communicated with each other so many years ago effectively confirmed the fact that i wouldn’t want any contact with you again.

if things have changed, that’s great, i’m happy for you. but i really have no interest in keeping in touch. if i did, i would have tried to find you a long time ago.

sorry to be so blunt, but i rather let you know than ignore your message and keep you wondering.

be well.

I don’t know what his motives are. Maybe he really does want to catch up. But why should I even entertain that? I would rather just let him know I have absolutely no interest instead of lead him to believe that we could be friends or even acquaintances. And if I ignored his message that would leave me open to receiving another communication from him in the future.

He was so abusive in the past that I really don’t think he could have changed without professional help or medication and that he is just as toxic as he was so long ago. He should have thought about that or realized that I shouldn’t be sought out. He can’t just ignore how fucked up he was before and think that time will wash that away. Well, it has taken away the feeling of resentment and anger I had (and at one point, fear for my physical safety), but that doesn’t mean I have forgotten what he had done and was capable of.

Just stay in the past, man. Stay in the past. Let’s just hope he doesn’t reply with something weird.